Monday, January 10
i've always been a fan of cartesian dualism. maybe its because i feel the same way about everything related to the concept "mind over matter" (and we can root that in the card) but it is extremely rare for me to feel an attachment to a school of thought i can't see myself defending rationally. This was all buried deep down somewhere until i started reading Linchpin. Seth Godin's formulation of the daemon and the lizard brain brought it all back (i guess it shouldn't have been so deep down that its resurfacing would provoke me to blog again with me being a philosophy major and all .. but chances are if you are reading this you already know me well enough to know that it's very likely). And with it, it brought an old dilemma of mine - is the act of admitting that you have changed your opinion on something(anything!) an empowering/right/positive thing or not.I seem to think that it is the latter and rate consistency above all but I'm not really convinced so that the question was still in my mind somewhere. With the lizard brain and my daemon I got a chance to shelf the idea, blame the lizard brain and be done with it. It is cetainly tempting but I'm not sold yet and I need feedback. Thank you for wasting a few minutes of your life with the news that I'm not sure about one more thing. Godin says its the lizard brain talking but, hey, its gotta be here and I am publishing it anyway.
Sunday, December 6
Progress Report, HELP !
After starting with an educational post to my 2nd attempt at blogging somewhat regularly, I thought it was the proper thing to do to document where all those steps toward failure left me.
academic records:
11th semester
gpa: 1.94
59/128 credits completed.
2 midterms coming on monday, same timeslot; I have to take the one I'd rather not take: The other one has a slight edge since it is one of those courses I have had the pleasure of registering for the 6th time.
a paper due thursday.
had 2 midterms last week, took 1. the one i chose not to show up for provided the observational data for my first post (including the optional step, which ended up as a failure, shocking, AND caused me to miss the first class after the exam - no clue about make-up availability). The other one felt good, it always does when you are able to scribble something off accumulated hearsay.
economic situation:
spending more than what my stable/monthly income which is to be cut in half in 6 month's time.
health status:
I think it is safe to say that it's good. medicated just for high blood pressure.
To summarize, it is not BAD bad, just bad enough to make you feel proud of your micromanagement skills if you can achieve something (eg, graduate).
HELP !
You had to make a choice. You were either going to stick to the plan, suck it up, and face the consequences or you were going to ask for help. A shortlist of favors to ask and who to ask them popped in your mind. First you picked the favor with a strictly utilitarian mindset and as you start considering who to ask the favor, as it got personal, it hit you: You were actually about to ask for help for a situation you should be able to contain by yourself. You dismissed the idea immediately, feeling confident that you are better off this way even if that shortlist didn't have any names in it whom you cannot trust to fetch a bodybag should you need one...
2nd person narrative was one of my favourite concepts I have encountered in literature. Even if it wasn't the first time I saw it, Sylvia Plath's "A Day in June" was the piece which made me see the beauty of it (kudos to Meltem Gurle as with the majority of things I can call exciting in literature). I could not think of another way for describing that weird sensation I felt as I decided, so many times, to not to ask any favors for the matter at hand. Fear of what is to come, defiance against the utilitarian in there and the utilitarian in there all mixed up, brought together by, or at least lead by, pride.
Unfortunately, I don't have anything else to say about that, just had to mention it.
Unfortunately, I don't have anything else to say about that, just had to mention it.
Thursday, December 3
kaan's guide to complete failure.
Everyone has those little triumphs when things go better than they are supposed to; papers/projects completed in the last day, getting an acceptable grade on an exam with last minute efforts and all sorts of other beneficial results that deep down you know that you do not deserve. This is a step by step guide to avoid them.
Step 1 - Make yourself believe that the thing you are going to fail at (hereafter will be referred as the THING) is VERY important .
Failure is at its best when you think you have no way to work around the problem it will cause; also this belief should be set a considerable time before the realization of failure to make optimum effect so you will think you have enough time to prepare yourself and then fail.
Step 2 - Shape your schedule keeping the THING in mind
Make sure you include about prep'ing for the THING in your daily plans even if they are vague at best, if you are worthy of an epic fail, you are going to ignore them anyway.
Step 3 - Excuses
You are going to need excuses to skillfully avoid your own plans to prep for the THING, spontaneous plans with friends are among the best candidates (after you have spent the part of the day you have given yourself, of course). The trick about excuses is that should be strong enough to postpone the THING in your mind for a while but not strong enough to make you think that you are going to fail until you already have failed; meaning, you should be able to formulate new plans for the days/weeks to come involving the THING and feel good about it.
Step 4 - Adaptation
The illusion of adaptation to your conditions is an essential part of feeling good about doing nothing. Make your plans to include more and more about prep for the THING. Just keep in mind that allocating an unrealistic part of your time in your plans to the THING triggers some sort of an internal control mechanism. you have to adjust the
time period proportional to the time left for the THING. (ie. if 2hours/day sounds good when you have 5 days left, do not jump to 4-5 hours for the next day even if spending 12 hours will be reasonable for the last day. Remember, subconsciously you want to make it avoidable.)
Step 5 - Breaks, time offs, pit stops
Eventually the time you cannot escape from your plans about the THING will come. From there on, you are going to have to pick something to fill the breaks you give yourself. to ensure failure, this has to be an activity which requires little enough time by itself even though it is likely to be repeated in succession. Animated comedy shows are editor's choice since they take your mind off stuff, make you laugh AND you are going to find yourself skipping the intro of the next episode before you know it and we all know that it's too late by then.
Step 6- The day before
This is the day that makes or breaks you. The first half of the day is essential here, if you can't make use of your `break time` to make you believe by the middle of the day that you have failed, you miss a very important opportunity to make yourself a new mark to redeem yourself in your eyes (ie. I have failed at X but if i do it and/or Y till -insert date- it is not going to be so bad) to give you the rest of the day off or, god forbid, you might work your ass off for the remaining part of the day to make it in time (you probably can't but you don't want to risk failing at failing).
Step 7 - Redemption (optional, but adds a lot to the pain)
There are no special instructions for you to fail at your redemption mark and you should not need either, you already failed once; you know what to do. Repetition of the previous steps should be sufficient.
Step 1 - Make yourself believe that the thing you are going to fail at (hereafter will be referred as the THING) is VERY important .
Failure is at its best when you think you have no way to work around the problem it will cause; also this belief should be set a considerable time before the realization of failure to make optimum effect so you will think you have enough time to prepare yourself and then fail.
Step 2 - Shape your schedule keeping the THING in mind
Make sure you include about prep'ing for the THING in your daily plans even if they are vague at best, if you are worthy of an epic fail, you are going to ignore them anyway.
Step 3 - Excuses
You are going to need excuses to skillfully avoid your own plans to prep for the THING, spontaneous plans with friends are among the best candidates (after you have spent the part of the day you have given yourself, of course). The trick about excuses is that should be strong enough to postpone the THING in your mind for a while but not strong enough to make you think that you are going to fail until you already have failed; meaning, you should be able to formulate new plans for the days/weeks to come involving the THING and feel good about it.
Step 4 - Adaptation
The illusion of adaptation to your conditions is an essential part of feeling good about doing nothing. Make your plans to include more and more about prep for the THING. Just keep in mind that allocating an unrealistic part of your time in your plans to the THING triggers some sort of an internal control mechanism. you have to adjust the
time period proportional to the time left for the THING. (ie. if 2hours/day sounds good when you have 5 days left, do not jump to 4-5 hours for the next day even if spending 12 hours will be reasonable for the last day. Remember, subconsciously you want to make it avoidable.)
Step 5 - Breaks, time offs, pit stops
Eventually the time you cannot escape from your plans about the THING will come. From there on, you are going to have to pick something to fill the breaks you give yourself. to ensure failure, this has to be an activity which requires little enough time by itself even though it is likely to be repeated in succession. Animated comedy shows are editor's choice since they take your mind off stuff, make you laugh AND you are going to find yourself skipping the intro of the next episode before you know it and we all know that it's too late by then.
Step 6- The day before
This is the day that makes or breaks you. The first half of the day is essential here, if you can't make use of your `break time` to make you believe by the middle of the day that you have failed, you miss a very important opportunity to make yourself a new mark to redeem yourself in your eyes (ie. I have failed at X but if i do it and/or Y till -insert date- it is not going to be so bad) to give you the rest of the day off or, god forbid, you might work your ass off for the remaining part of the day to make it in time (you probably can't but you don't want to risk failing at failing).
Step 7 - Redemption (optional, but adds a lot to the pain)
There are no special instructions for you to fail at your redemption mark and you should not need either, you already failed once; you know what to do. Repetition of the previous steps should be sufficient.
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